Something is rotten in the state of Indiana. Or as one lawmaker has it, America — as in the Girl Scouts of America. Filed under “So Fatuous, Even The Onion Couldn’t Make This Shit Up,” Republican State Assemblyman Bob Morris of Fort Wayne is strident in his one-man mission to expose the shocking truths behind the Girl Scouts of America’s two-pronged credo:
1) to be “a tactical arm of Planned Parenthood” that makes girls “more receptive to the pro-abortion agenda”; and 2) promoting “homosexual lifestyles” while honoring noted “feminists, lesbians, and Communists” at the expense of prayer and singing Christmas carols.
His faith-based evidence and methodological praxis of research? He Googled it.
There is already an actual website that debunks the waspish gossip concerning the “ulterior motives” of the Girl Scouts. But I would be remiss to dismiss Morris’s allegations on the grounds of he found it on the internet if I were to submit that a website so obviously biased as to be named “National Catholic Committee for Girl Scouts USA” gainsays what furrows his brow so. Thus, I took it upon myself to do some digging, and I must report my shock and dismay at what I learned.
Did you know that one of their popular cookies is called “Do-Si-Dos,” more commonly known as the the peanut butter cookie with peanut butter filling?
What at first glance appears to be perfectly “harmless” in fact reveals a deleterious subtext smuggling Spanglish into the American lexicon. When read correctly, “Do-yes-two,” the sinister intention of these toothsome treats is revealed. Think it’s accidental the mulatto girl is posing with a donkey, that slavish symbol of Latin America? Think again.
More brazen yet are the lesser known “Dulce de Leche” cookies. Not only does their name conceal nothing of their anti-English agenda together with its Hispanic histrionics, but just take a look at the staged propaganda of the cookie box itself:
Soccer!?! Or as the lefties like to call it, futbol. WTF!?! Something wrong with softball all of a sudden? What ever happened to Arts & Crafts? Or hopscotch or jump rope? Have all bygone girl-youth pastimes become “uncool”? This is the problem with secularism and multiculturalism. I blame teachers and television.
With that in mind I have left the best for last. I’ve not even heard of this kind of cookie, but when I came across its name and saw its unabashed mandates, I nearly wept.
So it’s come to this, has it? Ebonics. Yo, yo, yo, what’cho need? Girl Scouts of America has adopted the argot of the streets, of selling drugs, and has deftly appropriated it into their own vernacular. For those of you who may be unfamiliar — I certainly was — “shout out” is urban slang for either saying hello or giving thanks to something/ -one. For instance, “gimme a shout out later,” means call me in the future. (See also holla, short for “holler.”) Or “shouts out to my boy, Dougie Fresh,” meaning I would like to give thanks out to my associate Douglas. (See “props.”)
But that’s not the least of it. No sir. Notice the brandished commands on each cookie. “Change,” “Believe,” “Create.” Not only do these injunctions call to mind Soviet-era brainwashing the likes of…
…but combined with its inner-city intonations it is not difficult to read between the lines. “Change,” “Believe,” “Create” — are these not the commandments of violent upheaval and social revolution? Let us not be so naive.
Whatever happened to the good old days? Remember those? Surely it is to that sepia-toned, halcyon-laced time that Rep. Morris would like to conjure for his own girls. Sensing that the tide has changed, the Morris girls have been removed from the Girl Scouts and instead are soon to join American Heritage Girls Little Flowers, an alternative group run by conservative Christians. I applaud the change.
But if nostalgia is only “amnesia turned around,” as the man-hating poet Adrienne Rich once wrote, it is not inconceivable that the Girl Scouts have been in cahoots with the purveyors of vice, graft, intellectual elitism, Hollywood homosexuals, and Madison Avenue chic lit. For one thing, let’s take a cold look at their emblem.
Seems soft and safe enough. But so did Marilyn Chambers in the beginning. First the girl-next-door, modern day Madonna-and-child model for Ivory Snow, next ravished starlet of 1970s’ porn industry:
From the Madonna 99 44/100% pure to the Magdalene behind the Green Door, it is this duality of womanhood with which the Girl Scouts, in choosing their green girl-on-girl-on-girl logo with that Chambers-esque wispy, willowy hair, seek to indoctrinate our country’s impressionable daughters. Indeed, the Sapphic symbol of the Girl Scouts calls to mind that illustrious allusion to embraced lesbianism in the lines of the radical French writer, Simone de Beauvoir: “It is only when her fingers trace the body of a woman whose fingers in turn trace her body that the miracle of the mirror is accomplished.” [italics mine] Coincidence? I think not?
And how do you think all those cases of cookie boxes are distributed in the first place? This photo, taken with great risk under camouflaged secrecy, exposes the clandestine operation:
That’s right: longshoremen and dock workers — union thugs, in short. Hey, we’ve all seen The Wire to know what the score is on this. Not only narcotics trafficking and prostitution rings, but big union boss money going to bought-off Democrat politicians who use that capital in turn to promote their pro-abortion and happy gay agenda. The Girl Scouts — our own daughters — are just the foot soldiers in this socialist web of deceit and infamy.
This is not new. Like peeling the layers of an onion, my vetted and peer-reviewed research led me to unearth this documented photograph from the past, which should set the historical record aright and debunk any mawkish notions that the Girl Scouts of America was anything but a renegade group rife with nefarious elements:
Turns out yesteryear wasn’t so sweet and innocent after all! Look at these comrade cadets…at a factory no less! Lest we be doomed to repeat history by forgetting its lessons, let us not forget those words by that Marxist Karl Marx and his cookie-cut recipe for smashing capitalism when the workers seize the means of production. Sprechen sie Caramel deLites?
I applaud Rep. Morris’s brave initiative in this troubling matter. I encourage you to peruse the heart-felt letter he wrote to his colleagues in the Indiana Statehouse entreating them to follow his lead by not signing a resolution recognizing the 100th anniversary of the Girl Scouts of America. Furthermore, I implore you to send him an email commending his leadership and scholarly regimen. His is a valiant patriotism that ought to be praised with grace for the exemplar it is!
Postscript: Republican House Speaker Brian Bosma of Indiana, unable to suppress his ridicule, ordered nearly 300 cases of Girl Scouts cookies, which he handed out to lawmakers. The work of Eve is alive and well.