Miss Swiss

17 May
Miss Swiss

The kerfuffle of Michelle Bachman’s application for Swiss citizenship isn’t new, per se, but I’d be most remiss if I let a blip like this pass.  What could have been mere matter of fact — that her in-laws were natural-born Swiss citizens who emigrated, which made her husband a Swiss citizen, and therefore herself one by de jure marriage — was unnecessarily escalated by the revelation that earlier this year, while still running for President of the United States, she was simultaneously applying for her children to be Swiss citizens.  (No word yet about those 20-odd foster kids they’d had and whether those Heathers will become Heidis and Jeffreys Jans, who will trade in those elementary school recorders for alphorns, or renege nacho cheese for fondue.)  
Michelle Bachman, who practically ran as Wonder Woman (or at least I’m assuming that Wonder Woman is the female analog to Captain America — I could be wrong; I never did get into comics as a kid) for the Republican Party nomination last year until the winter of her discontent only months ago, Mrs. — she never would be a “Ms.” — Tea Party Yankee Doodle Dandy, no matter how many fabulous flubs and gaffes she desecrated to the hallowed history of the United States and seemed to go out of her way to compete with the Kardashians as America’s weekly stain of national honor, all the while vying to be a Frau!?!

Why would she do this?  If America is the greatest thing since sliced bread up to but not limited to apple pie, it would be a kind of sacrilege to so much as consider another country’s appeal, let alone actively seeking to become a legal member thereof.  It would be like converting to Catholicism and serving the Pope while still being whatever evangelical branch she is.  It just isn’t tenable.  So either Bachman is as bat shit crazy as has been speculated, or a pompous hypocrite the likes of many a politician.  Hardly a surprise either way…any more than her rescindment of her Swiss citizenship (much to the relief of the Swiss).  Amateur stuff, really.  Hell, she could at least have hopped over the border into Wisconsin and come to New Glarus, aka “America’s little Switzerland,” and had an appetizer of the land of cheese and chocolate before embroiling herself in yet another embarrassment!  Why, there’s a Polka Fest, a Wilhelm Tell Fest, even a Schuetzen Fest (whatever the hell that is).  Plus the largest urinal in all the great big Midwest is in New Glarus, at the Glauner Stube restaurant and bar, I ain’t kiddin ya!  Oh sure then it’s enough to make you get a little teary-eyed all country ’tis of thee-like just thinking about it now…



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