Ron Johnson from Wisconsin

26 Jan

As publicly embarrassing as that was, it’s worth keeping in mind that the exchange happened only one day after making a total ass out of himself when trying to look like a hotshot in front of Secretary Clinton:

Senator Ron Johnson, this week’s jackass, courtesy of Wisconsin.


So who is this bozo? you might be wondering.  Well, to tell that tale takes understanding the two Wisconsins, about which frankly no one has the least clue.  One election cycle we vote for a handsome dipshit with zero credentials backed by the Tea Party to replace a venerated lawmaker.  Two years later we elect a liberal lesbian who is the first openly gay senator in the history of the nation.  We keep Scott Walker in office after a historic recall in June, but come November re-elect the president with a wide margin of the vote.  In short, we’re crazy.  You try living in a land of winter with only cheese and beer to keep you warm and see if you’re not a little nuts by springtime.

It still hurts, losing Russ Feingold.  Now more than ever.  When I moved to Wisconsin almost ten years ago I was genuinely jazzed about having him as my senator, a man known nationally as having a spine of steel and true grit, the kind of integrity which lawmakers from a more hallowed time were renowned, they who helped shape the very mantle of democracy, who were the enshrinement that going to Washington meant something positively grand and reverent.  (Today, Bernie Sanders alone holds that lonely honor.)  After all, this was the  Russ Feingold of the McCain-Feingold campaign finance reform, a then visionary and still laudable bipartisan attempt to keep the corruption of money out of politics.  (What a hideous irony it is then that one of its authors and namesakes was ousted by a man who bankrolled his entire campaign, all $9 million of it.)  And this was Russ Feingold the only vote in the senate against the PATRIOT Act after the nation shooed away the angels of our capacity for rational thought in response to 9/11.  In his stead is the airhead who having earned nothing and no right sits on the Foreign Relations Committee.

So go cycles, I guess.  We had a Jewish boy from Janesville who has spent his entire life studying law, who would grow up to become a brilliant, independent lawmaker and now a professor in the Law School at Marquette University.  By contrast, what are Ron Johnson’s bona fides, b’gosh?  He owned a plastics company in Oshkosh.  Before this he made his millions by marrying into it.  He never even bothered to finish his MBA.  He made one speech once which somehow gave him the credentials to become one of only one hundred vested seats in the United States Senate.  Before this…there is no before this.  Nothing.  The man hadn’t so much as run to be a selectman, a dogcatcher, or honorary chair of the PTA.

In short Russ Feingold was swept away like so much reason during the drunken Tea Party craze of 2010 by a know-nothing with no experience whose campaign appealed to people by never making himself public, a guy who is as rich and white as the mental meringue that occupies what for someone in his position should constitute critical thinking or political acumen but for him is mindless bromides about job creators and job killers, pro everything the GOP’s platform is and anti anything from his Democratic colleagues.  In his two years in office he has apparently done two things on his own initiative:

(1) introduce the “Regulation Moratorium and Job Preservation Act,” a bill that would essentially stall any new federal regulations until the the national unemployment level falls to 7.7 percent (the rate when President Obama took office).  Now there’s a piece of seminal legislation you’d be proud to have authored!  Attaboy, Ronjon!  I can already hear the cash registers’ chimes signaling all those newly created jobs!

(2) cosponsor a bill that proposes to prohibit the Department of Justice from tracking and keeping a record of whenever someone purchases multiple rifles and shotguns.  Cause what could be more above-board than a guy dropping a few thow on four rifles and a couple shotguns — gifts for the kids maybe, His & Her Remingtons?  Why would we as a nation, particularly in our culture where each credit card purchase for the most trivial shit is tracked and filed, where every f-ing text and email is stored somewhere for the rest of time as we know it, want to keep aware of who is stocking up on a private armory and whether their names, oh I don’t know, come up on background searches pertaining to domestic abuse or derangement?  Our forefathers were very deliberate about this — and Ron Johnson would know; he’s read the Constitution — keeps a copy of it in his back pocket for quick reference: Mad Max desperadoes and crackpots crazy as cuckoos personify the quintessence of a well regulated a militia and don’t let nobody tell you otherwise.

oshkosh 1
So, note to self: next time you vote for someone — anyone, really, but especially for your United States Senator — we would all do well to have a candidate who has a consummate grasp of how government actually works.  It’s funny that for all of his talk about his familiarity in the private sector, I wonder if he’d ever hire someone to run a factory without any managerial know-how or background in business.  Most assuredly not.  No one would.  Here’s the bottom line: if we wouldn’t hire someone with no experience to run a company, why in heaven would we do so to run a country?

PS — If you like this scribble and think you know of a baker’s dozen who also might, kindly consider sharing it with them, would you? 




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11 responses to “Ron Johnson from Wisconsin

  1. David Sandoval

    January 27, 2013 at 7:54 am

    This is actually an excellent blog post! The voice is clear, the sarcasm biting, And the length is just right. The one thing I would say is you should include in the final line, a request to your readers to share this with their friends if they like it. You need to start going, as much as I hate this word, viral.

  2. Jean

    January 27, 2013 at 10:14 am

    I’m curious again, what is so embarrassing about that first clip with John Kerry?

  3. Maggie

    January 27, 2013 at 11:58 am

    Because he is questioning motives not critically analyzing anything, at all, nor is he qualified to do so. He is a tool.

    • Tom

      January 27, 2013 at 11:19 am

      Nice job as always.

  4. t corcoran bauer

    January 27, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Here we go(gebic) again, Jesus!
    Jean, you’re making yourself look very foolish by defending such drivel. You can still be a true conservative or liberal or whatever while criticizing a policy or a politician. Let me show and not tell: Majority Leader Harry Reid totally sold out on the milquetoast filibuster “reform” opportunity last week. It was a cowardly and despicable disgrace to the chamber of which he is a part — and is a part of a long-standing tradition. I love the Senate and have felt this way since I was a kid. I purposely visited the estate of Henry Clay in Lexington, KY, because I revered him, because the legacy from which a man like him came represents something stately and deliberate. (Not unlike our clown, Ron Johnson, the fact that Kentucky now has the demented wunderkind by the name of Rand Paul — again thanks to the Heimlich maneuver’d election of 2010 — makes a mockery of democracy and a desecration of process.) And for the love of all things holy, this is not some kind of partisan nonsense: I also loved Senator Olympia Snowe, the former senior Republican senator from Maine, who intentionally retired because she grew too sick and wary of what the hell was happening to her party. So am I. So should you. So should we all. Look, I’m a liberal; therefore I like diversity. In all things, people, and places. Yes, even in government, because one-party rule benefits no one but rich campaign donors, toadies, and cronies. I don’t just tune in to those I like or already agree with. (Conversely, neither do I go out of my way to tune in to the things I dislike just to nitpick and annoy people for the sake of whatever the heck it is you think you’re doing.)

    You (should) know as well as I that the GOP and conservative media are trying to make political hay out of the Benghazi debacle. Something obviously got screwed up. Do I think that maybe it was obfuscated in order to distance Obama from it, so close to the election? Maybe. Do I think that, whatever happened, Republicans have made a mountain out of this molehill in order to score political points — specifically, in order to try to disparage the foreign policy legacy of the president, which had been otherwise pretty impeccable, or simply because it unnerves them that the skinny liberal Black guy from Chicago could actually do so well on foreign policy (which is otherwise the traditional realm of the war hawkish conservatives)? You bet your boots I do. And if you don’t think so, then Ron Johnson really does represent you.

    If you are incensed by this issue and genuinely want to get to the bottom of it, and if you feel that what Ron Johnson was doing was just that, then fine — but the guy’s gotta do his fucking homework at least. What is so embarrassing, you ask? He’s still reading the Table of Contents while everyone else was 300 pages into the plot. Wake up. He tried to take down both Clinton and Kerry, both of whom are a whole lot smarter and a whole lot more experienced than he isl That’s what makes his being a senator a farce. You tell me what running a plastic company in Oshkosh, WI, has to do with foreign policy in the Middle East, please. What lessons did he as CEO of Pacur glean about the royal Senussi family of Libya or Gadaffi paramilitia loyalists versus the National Liberation Army? I am willing to bet that prior to 2010 Ron Johnson could no more spell Colonel Gadaffi (“kernel kaddafy”?) than the word onomatopoeia. I am also willing to bet that not until September 2012 did he know that Benghazi was actually a city and not a country.

    Jean, whoever you are, unless you are being privately paid to defend Ron Johnson, you would do well to see how silly and isolating you are coming off. ANYONE who knows anything about how the game is played in Washington knows that he screwed up something awful. The guy’s just not bright — about politics at least. Plastics, sure…I guess. But not politics.

    He also thinks global warming is caused by sun spots, as do a number of fundamentally discredited dingdongs do. But then again, if you are keen to attack the Sierra Club — which I concede is more liberal than mainstream; though I contend that its concerns are for the mainstream (even if the mainstream is too busy paving paradise to put up another parking lot), which would unconditionally include not just conservationists, but equally conservatives, a great many of whom fancy hunting, which is hard to do if there is less and less land or living animals on what polluted land is left — anyway, if you are keen to so attack, then maybe you too find the 99 percent of accredited scientists and peer-reviewed studies on human-caused global warming nothing more than a hoax perpetuated by the so-called liberal media. In which case, keep burying your head in the sand while there’s still sand left — before it all gets excavated and funneled to fracking.

  5. Jean

    January 27, 2013 at 10:57 pm

    Wet yourself much? I see you have finally done your home work and found that Senator Johnson wasn’t invited to the meeting Kerry mentioned. Good for you. Maybe you should have done that before your post. You could have just come out and said it and saved yourself some time typing all that. You tried to make political hay and got caught. Embarassing. Obama does well on his foreign policy by mostly continuing the Bush policy. You know it’s true. Benghazi was a mistake they tried to lie about and make go away. An Internet video, please.

    Hillary, if she runs in 2016, will be beaten repeatedly over the head by her democratic opponents in the primaries with her “What difference does it make?” comment. You know that is true too.

    • t corcoran bauer

      January 28, 2013 at 9:04 am

      “Wet myself much”? I don’t even know what that means, but it sounds gross and pubescent.
      Speaking of gross and pubescent, it would appear that you have a fetish for taking my own words against me in some half-assed valiant attempt at getting me good where it hurts. Nothing more clever than the gotcha artist… But you’re not that, my dear. You are totally out of touch and well past the halfway point of trying my patience.

      You really think that Ron Johnson wasn’t invited to the meeting? No, seriously, you actually think this? Despite there not being the thinnest thread of evidence suggesting that… Despite Johnson’s campaign not even offering that bellyflop of a whopper just for the sake of spin or political coverage? Honestly, out of what envelop of thin air are you pulling this one?

      Hold on, I’m feeling kinda kinky, so let me try something out: Trolling a blog, please.

      Fetishistically yours, darling,

      The Mgmt

    • Scott

      January 28, 2013 at 9:34 am

      I love that we continue to only play the portions of sound clips that benefit our argument the most. It is possible that you have not watched the entire video to see what Clinton says after “What difference does it make”. Of course you have not watched that, it would show you that she is doing what her office is responsible for – figuring out what happened and doing what they can to make sure it does not happen again. It would also show you that a bill was passed through the Senate and was shut down in the Congress that would have allocated more money for security and manpower for this type of incident. But again, this would prove you wrong – so as the writer above has stated, continue to bury your head, take your side and keep running with it no matter how much proof comes forward to show you that the truth is not on your side.

      • Debo

        January 28, 2013 at 9:28 pm

        Wait, who did Prosser strangle?

  6. snagblat

    January 28, 2013 at 10:00 pm

    Wow. Really? Some guy named Ben Gazee was insulted by Hillary Clinton and Ron Johnson saved the day by posing as a moron during an actual Senate hearing? Or is Ben really Ron’s secret lover? Oh wait…that was Prosser anf Gableman. See what you’ve done Jean. ..


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