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Category Archives: Cry Uncle Samerica

Maksing Mitsakes [sic]

Maksing Mitsakes [sic]

Oh, Mitt.  Buddy, just stop.  No, really.  Do yourself a favor and just drop out.  Do us all that favor.  I gotta break it to you: nobody likes you, man.  Nobody.  Just being honest.  Look, maybe it’s not your fault…  We all have bad days (though usually not week after week after week after week).  But you, you take the cake, pal!  How is it possible that you are so spectacularly incompetent!?  Seriously.  Newsflash: running for president is not rocket-science.  You show up, smile, say little, kiss babies, and make empty promises.  You eat a lot of bad food, take cat naps, and pander in the manner of a local yokel insert sports team or weather here as often as you can get away with it without coming off as cloyingly artificial and out of place.  But you can’t even do this.  You make Al Gore look like a hot-bodied rock star.  Shit, even Rutherford B. Hayes would tell you to quit being such a tightass.
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My Akin Breakin Heart

My Akin Breakin Heart

I was not intending to break my scribble silence with two cents about a Republican candidate in Missouri running for U.S. Senate about whom I know positively nothing.  After the essential recall of the Wisconsin recalls, the wind in my sails for explicit political scribbling has flagged off.  But sometimes, even for a young curmudgeon, the bait is too irresistible, the bad taste and foot-in-mouth buffoonery such a spectacular eclat, that one risks ignorance by ignoring it.

Enter the court jester du jour, Todd Akin.  I was out of state when this latest gaffe debacle/ Freudian slip hit the press over the weekend.  Because I am old-fashioned enough, I treat email like regular mail in this sense: when I am away from home, I will deal with it all upon my return.  No smart phone, no tweets, no iPads or tablets.  Not even a quick dose of reality with a shot of espresso at an internet cafe or a lackadaisical saunter at some public library.  But I do read the paper and listen to the radio, so I had heard all about what Todd Akin said — and then later said what he meant and should have said instead.  I knew I would be coming home to countless emails about this as if I had had my head in the sand.  I counted no fewer than sixteen such emails just with the name “Todd Akin” in the subject line, not counting less specific ones with the buzzwords of “rape” or “legitimate.”  One-liners like “Unreal!” and “Dangerous and Wrong,” “Repulsive” and something else connoting the next cannon fire from the war on women.  I understand the motivation behind these attention-grabbing headlines, and I agree with their outrage.  I do not agree, however, with their conclusion that Todd Akin should step down.  Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Moving Fourth

Moving Fourth

Several years ago – before 9/11 it’s worth noting – I was out running some errand or another with my then landlord and good friend, Kevin.  This was out in western Massachusetts, though I’m not sure how significant that is.  My friend, certainly old enough to be my father, whose one and only child is only four-and-half years my senior, had been in the Air Force when he was my age.  I actually have his dog tags still (though that’s another story).  So out we were, doing whatever it was, when we came upon a tiny American flag lying on the ground, one of those cheap, handheld, made-in-China baubles given to children during parades, so shoddily made as to be nearly see-through, stapled two times to something as flimsy as a wooden skewer.  Something that probably costs 13 cents.  Without making a sound Kevin immediately picked up the little flag and began wiping whatever imperceptible smirch was marring the stars and stripes.  He held it in his large, worn hands the way one does a wounded bird, sheltering it, nurturing it.  His heart was breaking before my eyes, and I am not exaggerating or contriving this for calculated effect when I say that his eyes were watery. Read the rest of this entry »

 
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Posted by on July 4, 2012 in Cry Uncle Samerica, National

 

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Bovine Providence (or, Having a Gay’old Time at Summer Camp in North Carolina)

The latest from the great state of North Carolina…

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Miss Swiss

Miss Swiss

The kerfuffle of Michelle Bachman’s application for Swiss citizenship isn’t new, per se, but I’d be most remiss if I let a blip like this pass.  What could have been mere matter of fact — that her in-laws were natural-born Swiss citizens who emigrated, which made her husband a Swiss citizen, and therefore herself one by de jure marriage — was unnecessarily escalated by the revelation that earlier this year, while still running for President of the United States, she was simultaneously applying for her children to be Swiss citizens.  (No word yet about those 20-odd foster kids they’d had and whether those Heathers will become Heidis and Jeffreys Jans, who will trade in those elementary school recorders for alphorns, or renege nacho cheese for fondue.)   Read the rest of this entry »

 

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May D(ay) in China

May D(ay) in China

Each year on the near-south side of Milwaukee a few hundred folks gather together to commemorate the Bay View Tragedy, the bloodiest day — May 5 1886 — in the history of the labor movement in Wisconsin.  I won’t bother rehashing the clash right now (you’re welcome to read about it here).  Instead, I would like to reconsider it in the context of our contemporary world, from Fox News and Foxconn to Scott Walker and Steve Jobs.  Read the rest of this entry »

 

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Tax Dodging Rotten to the Core

Tax Dodging Rotten to the Core

I’ve always liked that bumper sticker that reads “If you’re not OUTRAGED, you’re not paying attention.”  (Though of course it can just as easily be stated that If you’re not outraged, you must be paying attention to Fox, but I digress…)  Another slogan I’ve enjoyed goes “I’ll believe corporations are people when a Texas jury executes one.”  To that sentiment all I would add is this: or until they pay they have to pay their taxes like all the rest of us working stiffs.  To wit, today is Tax Day, everybody, so pony up!  You, too, corporations — that is what your name means after all: “corporation” from the Latin for corpus and corporare, literally to make into a body.  (Think “corporeal punishment” or “Marine Corps.”  Or hell, just think corpse, as in the American dream/ social mobility/ public works/ U.S. revenue thanks to tax dodging loopholes.)  Read the rest of this entry »

 

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